Thursday, December 1, 2016

Wishing they'd go home dapl protesters

Wishing they'd go home

No one makes this clearer than Robert Fool Bear Sr., 54, district chairman of Cannon Ball. The town he runs, estimated population of 840, is just a few miles from the action. It's so close that, given the faceoffs with law enforcement, you have to pass through a police checkpoint to reach it.
It's about time people heard from folks like him, he says.
Fool Bear has had it with the protesters. He says that more than two years ago, when members of the Standing Rock Sioux Tribe could have attended hearings to make their concerns known, they didn't care. Now, suddenly, the crowds are out of control, and he fears it's just a matter of time before someone gets seriously hurt.
Go down to the camps, he says, and you won't see many Standing Rock Sioux.
"It irks me. People are here from all over the world," he says. "If they could come from other planets, I think they would."
The presence of all these people has become a downright nuisance to his community, he says. Given the roadblocks, residents of Cannon Ball are often forced to go more than 40 miles out of their way.
Not long ago, he found three teenage girls from Ontario, Canada, camped out inside his storage shed. A white woman from Spokane, Washington, came to see him for help, saying she'd come here with nothing and her car had broken down. When he was at the casino recently, someone approached him about two young kids who were on their own because their parents had been arrested.
The situation has dissolved to madness, he says, and he wishes Dave Archambault II, the Standing Rock Sioux chairman, would speak up.
"If he had any balls, he'd tell [the protesters] to go home," Fool Bear says. -CNN

Friday, November 25, 2016

Facts DAPL Standing Rock Social Media Lies

There is a very small percentage of Native Americans that are actually from The Standing Rock Tribe that are participanting in this protest the leader of the tribe is suggesting that people leave the site and do not participate in the protest. Because it is causing friction in the community and the actions that have been caused by protesters are not what they stand for.
The violent protesters are from various areas of the country with very little education or history on events leading up to the installation of the pipeline and have no ties to The Standing Rock community and add nothing to the cause.
Then you have the paid protesters and anarchist sent here to cause harm. These  people are harbouring knives gunshots have already been fired at police and one women from Colorado was arrested for attempted murder. They have vandalized our community with graffiti and over 10 million in damages has been reported. Local ranchers whose livestock has been killed or mutilated, burned national Guard trucks, burning private farmland. Burning tires, started lighting vehicles and equipment on fire and dangerously blocking train tracks with a vechicle and trying to set it on fire. Blocking bridges and even ambulances. Stealing local ranchers cattle and the many other non-peaceful things that have been done here, sadly their peaceful message has been lost long ago. Many that come here to support the protesters end up leaving because they thought it was a peaceful protest. They are terrorizing  the local community and putting local law enforcement lives at risk by these peaceful protesters.
There are a lot of facts that lead up to the installation of this pipeline it is a real topic with real events and you can fact-check the lies expelled by social media.
The Standing Rock Tribe had the opportunity to show up at meetings over a course of several years and they did not.
Standing Rock was offered 32 million dollars to run the pipeline directly through the reservation they declined because they got greedy wanted more money. So they redirected 2 miles north of the reservation and that is where the main issue stems.
The pipeline runs 2 miles north of the reservation it is nowhere near any cemetery any sacred ground or historical artifacts. Plus, Standing Rock doesn't even get there water from the Missouri River . .. it is filtered in from a water treatment plant 70 miles aways.

Wednesday, September 28, 2016

Killing each other by their dark secrets while keeping up the Jesus facade

They are all slowly killing each other by the dark secrets they share. They band together to make the one that shed light on their dark secret look deplorable and crazy. But everything they speak is lies and really just a reflection of themselves.
They use religion, yes, their born again Jesus facade, to hide behind and deny the truth, while evil lurks in their hearts. Proclaiming they love Jesus, not knowing GOD is love. Love does not reside in their home and heart, always fearful wondering when and will the truth be exposed.
They shamefully band together and laugh at the person who exposed the truth, while secretly loathing themselves for what they have done. Secretly they despise each other, but must band together to keep their dark secret alive and well.
The darkness follows them everywhere while they excessively drink, eat, spend money and do drugs, and the list goes on and on.
Then when darkness falls upon them, they blame it on the devil or the person who exposed the truth. And all they are merely doing is avoiding the truth, the light. The evil and darkness you talk about is in you. You are the evil, the darkness, and lies you express.
The person or light that shines the light lives in peace knowing she did the right thing. She is walking a path of love in her heart. She would never wish to live in your darkness, to be accepted and used.
Her love, peace,and happiness can't be bought with evilness and money.
She feels pity for your soul and hopes the truth will set you free one day. Until then she has to follow her own path. Darkness and light cannot coexist.
Written by Sandra Schell Geiss

Monday, May 30, 2016

Child Protective Services is Motivated by Money NOT helping Children

Child Protective Services social workers must obey their supervisors. Your case is motivated by her supervisor’s desire to put more children in foster care, to bring federal funding into the county, and to justify her own job.
After all, if these people never found any children “in need of services” who they can place in the foster care system, there would be no need for their jobs and they’d all be laid off.
It is in their best interest to widen their definitions of child abuse and neglect, so they can take in more children, get more federal funding, and force parents through the multiple difficult hoops called a “service plan.”

Their supervisors review every case and they call the shots. If the social worker hasn’t moved to take your child, the supervisor may review the case and tell the social worker to return to your home with law enforcement and take your children. You place blame on the social worker (who is just trying to earn a paycheck) when it is a supervisor who made the decision to detain the children.

There are numerous abused and neglected children in foster care. Most do NOT have a voice in the foster care system. No one is speaking up for their needs and helping them during this emotionally difficult time and Child Protective Services only see these children as a paycheck and nothing more.

Here is a great article to read:
The Shame of Governmental Child Protection with Melody former CPS worker by Julian Griffen "Melody" (name changed at interviewee's request) worked for the Department of Family and Children Services (DFACS) for ten years. She started at the front desk while attending college at nights to obtain her degree, then worked in eligibility and child protective services. She transferred to another governmental agency three years ago.
 Click Here to Read

Take away their 'power' and make them accountable... If the feds, who fund these criminals, truly want to cut the budget, this would be a good place to start.  They need only cut funding to 'Child Protective Services', turning it over to the states, making it an expense in each state, as opposed to an 'income opportunity' in which states STEAL federal money, and just watch how dramatically the reports of 'child abuse' will go down all over the country!  It would be a WIN WIN for children who should be cherished as God's gift to us all!

The Shame of
Child Protection

with "Melody,"
a former CPS worker

by Julia Griffin 

The Shame of
Child Protection

with "Melody,"
a former CPS worker

by Julia Griffin 

The Shame of
Child Protection

with "Melody,"
a former CPS worker

by Julia Griffin 


Wednesday, March 16, 2016

Over emphasis of forgiveness for the offender overshadows the victims.

I want to continue sharing my journey as I am working on healing from being sexually abused and tortured at the age of 4 yrs old and now I am 50 yrs old. My story the in between, the messy part of healing from child sexual abuse. If my story can help just one person, then I have fulfilled my purpose here on earth.

I have been thinking a lot lately about what forgiveness really means. I think many don't really understand what forgiveness really means. We hear the words we need to forgive with very little understanding.
Over emphasis of forgiveness for the offender overshadows the victims. Don’t we have an obligation to victims, many of them voiceless who don’t have the resources to stand against abusers? Is this not the way the world gets safer? How much compassion and respect for life do we really have through this avoidance? It’s time to reframe forgiveness. To understand that the compassionate thing to do is not to let wrong-doers off the hook

Forgiveness  is not going to be the same for everyone.Here are 2 different scenarios,in my life towards forgiveness.

My dad was very abusive towards me. Daily beatings, he would beat me many times until I would pass out. I was able to forgive him while I was still in my 20's. When I no longer lived at home,the beatings stopped.He would come to visit me a lot and talk about his upbringing and it was very violent. He treated me the same way his dad treated him and because of my understanding of that and realizing he couldn't give me something that he didn't have to give. He did try to make it up to me. But, he had a lot of healing to do himself and he had to learn to forgive himself and love himself first. But at least he tried. He's dead now.He lost his life due to a work related accident. Im glad he shared his story with me it helped me eventually heal from the abuse I endured by his hands. But it did affect my life in a very negative way for a very long time.
I loved my dad. Even though I forgave him,I still hate the things he did to me. I will never look upon those memories all fluffy and with love. What he did to me was wrong,period.

 I just recently learned how to forgive my mom,and I am now 50 yrs old. She has not ever admitted to doing anything wrong. She wasn't so much physically abusive as she was emotionally and mentally abusive. She was a very good manipulator and liar. She was good at keeping my focus on my dad as being the bad guy and she was the poor victim in all of it. I received many beatings from my dad because of her lying and manipulation. I have a sister and 2 brothers who don't like me because of her lies. My mom is not the type of person who will take blame for anything,it is everyone's else fault.she will cover her tracks of what an awful mother she is. She talked very negatively and told many lies about me to family, friends and my oldest son.
I also know my mom was afraid of me, not afraid that I would do anything physical because I wouldn't. Afraid in the sense I would call her out on her lies and I didn't even do that in a mean way. I just wanted  to know why she would lie about me. She didn't like I saw right through her manipulation games.
Recently I forgave her, I don't feel nothing towards her only sad for her and that is it.

In each of these instances I eventually forgave and the forgiveness did not come before my healing. But the scars are still there and I am relearning a lot of things I was taught that actually where false and that is a journey in itself. I am Discovering who I really am and not the version of who they said I was.

I had to walk away from my family five plus years ago. Because while I am trying to move forward,my mom's sister tried to put me back into that box because that made them feel more comfortable. The more I climbed out of their box and was becoming my own  person the more they tried to manipulate me and lie to others. Because I know if I climbed out of the box and see things for what they really were,the truth just might be exposed and they were too comfortable in their darkness. I was the scapegoat for the family. No one every had to take responsibility for their actions,they just blamed it on me. Do I care anymore if they are still using me as a scapegoat or lying about me? Absolutely not.

So far on my road to forgiveness this what I have learned about forgiveness;

There is no quick fix to forgiveness. It is a process and some wounds heal faster than others.

Before I can forgive,I have to first learn to love myself and forgive myself for the past. Makes no sense to forgive others first. Like I have heard so many times, how can you love others if you don't love yourself? So that is why my healing comes above all others.

The need to remove toxic people so I can sort out the truth vs their lies of me.
Because they will try to keep me down at their level. Because that is where they feel comfortable.

Even after I am ready to forgive,the wounds can still be there and they need to be healed.

So, when you truly want to heal from the past,I believe you need to take forgiveness off the table and focus on your healing first.

I am going to be writing another article on this subject and write about where I am at in my forgiveness process with a few others.

I leave you with these powerful quotes by Martin Luther King, Jr. who thoroughly understood the detriment of staying quiet and inactive, and encouraged others to take a stand against what they thought was wrong, so as to save others from needless suffering at the hands of the ignorant and cruel and unconscious, while necessarily being true to themselves.

Martin Luther King, Jr. Quotes:
“In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.”
“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.”
“There comes a time when silence is betrayal.”
“I submit that an individual who breaks a law that conscience tells him is unjust, and who willingly accepts the penalty of imprisonment in order to arouse the conscience of the community over its injustice, is in reality expressing the highest respect for the law.”
“Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.”
“He who passively accepts evil is as much involved in it as he who helps to perpetrate it. He who accepts evil without protesting against it is really cooperating with it.”
“History will have to record that the greatest tragedy of this period of social transition was not the strident clamor of the bad people, but the appalling silence of the good people.”
“The hottest place in Hell is reserved for those who remain neutral in times of great moral conflict.”

Monday, March 14, 2016

Social Services ‪#‎DDS‬ ‪#‎CPS‬ of South Dakota think they are above the law

I have received many emails and PM's asking about my grand daughter. For the ones that don't know what has been happening, my grand daughter has been abused by the step- grandparent and possibly being molested by the grandfather.
I decided it was best not to talk about it too much here and on my blog lately. Because the hounds of hell and their followers are watching. I am still actively fighting for my grand daughter and going through the proper channels and getting the help to truly help her. The hounds of hell and their followers are manipulating and lying to somebody of the state of South Dakota. But, once this person finds out the truth, this person will not want to be associated with these people.
 If this person values their career they will not want to be associated with abusers or defending them. i would have no problem exposing this person to the public. Lori Fredericken and Lynne A Valenti Cabinet Secretary from the Dept. Social Services ‪#‎DDS‬ ‪#‎CPS‬ of South Dakota think they are above the law and think they are getting away with their lies and manipulation, as does the hound of hell and their followers. But, I'm hear to tell you, your NOT and your day of reckoning is upon you. My grand daughter deserves to live without fear and she will know she matters. She has a grandparent and many people she will know of that really care.. I am so sick of abusers getting away with abusing our children and it needs to end. Enough is Enough Already.

Sunday, March 13, 2016

Our first GIVEAWAY winners March 13 2016

Our first GIVEAWAY winners March 13 2016. The winner in the #1 spot will choose 1 of the 4 gifts. #2 #3 and #4  let me know your 1st choose, 2nd, 3rd and 4th chose. As soon as everyone contacts me I will put the jewelry piece/ gift by your name. You can contact me through FB message or

1. Angelica Keller
2. Lori Cook
3. Tabitha Mclerran
4. Carol Nichols

My story the in between, the messy part of healing from child sexual abuse

I want to share my journey as I am working on healing from being sexually abused and tortured at the age of 4 yrs old and now I am 50 yrs old.
I believe I still have a lot to learn about being a survivor of child sexual abuse. Something I noticed every time I think I am over the trauma,something creeps up and shows me I am not over it. The first thing I want to do every time this happens is focus on forgiving this person,like that is the answer to my healing. But, i am starting to think that forgiving this person, is not the solution to my healing. My healing is going to come from within me,not from the person who violated me. I don't like sexual predators. I don't like being told to forgive them and maybe I should understand that maybe they were sexually molested as a child. I don't care,it does not make it right. I didn't do this to anyone nor could I conceive doing this to another human being. I don't get angry with others anymore when they tell me I need to forgive or get over it. I don't completely understand how to deal with the trauma and I don't expect anyone to understand it either.

The trauma of what happened to me as a child affected my life negatively for many many years. This kind of trauma can take many many years to heal from. I am not a victim of child abuse anymore. I don't feel shame or guilt and I definitely know it was not my fault. It took me a long time to figure out where the shame and guilt came from that I felt for a very long time.Once I figured out where it came from I was able to move on from that. Just like I had to realize it was not my fault what happened to me.

I don't like sexual predators. I don't care if they were molested in childhood. I don't  care if they feel any shame or guilt for what they did and they should feel shame and guilt for what they did or are doing. I have no love in my heart for these people and I am not going to be focusing on forgiving them. Because I need to heal from the trauma of what they did to my life and how it affected my life. My forgiveness of them is not of any importance to me. So forgiveness is off the table and it is all about me and my well being.

I use to believe I needed to forgive them over what was best for me or I would not be able to have a good life. Well that is not true, I have a very nice life now and I work hard to get to where I am at now. I feel very blessed and grateful for my life and my past experiences have been able to teach me a lot about who I am and what I can do, and how I can be a blessing to others.

So I don't believe this has anything to do with if I forgive this sexual predator or not. I could be wrong but maybe I am not. I don't like sexual predators they need to be exposed and we need to stop feeling unashamed and guilty about what they did to us. They need to feel the shame and guilt for what they did. And these predators need to be exposed for the filthy, disgusting acts they do against a child. Sexual abuse needs not be such a taboo subject and victims/survivors should not be told to get over it,just move on,or you need to forgive. It is a process and that process might take years. There is no quick fix.We as survivors, are entitled to move on, get over it and forgive when we are ready,and no one should tell us differently. I still hate the person who molested me. what he did to me is disgusting. He's dead now and honestly I hope he is in hell burning for what he did to me. That is how I feel today, I might not tomorrow. I am going to feel everything and not put on a smile and pretend it is fine and I am over it. It's a process and I am going to give myself as much time as I need with no time limit.

I am a strong woman today and I love me just right where I am. I am not perfect nor will I try to be something I am not any more for anybody. I am just going to do me because that is all I know how to do.

Will I ever have complete resolution, I don't know. But, I will not worry about tomorrow.

And that is my story the in between, the messy part of healing from victim to hopefully victory or maybe I have the victory and I am still  healing from the trauma I endured.

I know forgiveness is not...

Forgiveness is not letting the offender off the hook. We can and should still hold others accountable for their actions or lack of actions.

Forgiveness is returning to God the right to take care of justice.

Forgiveness is not letting the offense recur again and again. We don't have to tolerate, nor should we keep ourselves open to, lack of respect or any form of abuse.

Forgiveness does not mean we have to revert to being the victim. Forgiving is not saying, "What you did was okay, so go ahead and walk all over me."

Forgiveness is not the same as reconciling. We can forgive someone even if we never can get along with them again.

Forgiveness is a process, not an event. It might take some time to work through our emotional problems before we can truly forgive.  - Sandra Schell Geiss

"I think there are two parts to the forgiveness equation; the resentment and anger part that eats us, and the absolving the abuser/perp or controlling person of responsibility. I let go of the resentment when I finally understood that just because I was taught that the responsibility was MINE, didn't mean that was true. BUT I do not absolve 'them' of responsibility for what they did."Darlene Ouimet Emerging From Broken; the Beginning of Hope for Emotional Healing

Friday, March 11, 2016

First International Bank & Trust Williston North Dakota

I got a personal phone call from bank teller today to keep my mouth shut. So this is the only reason I am posting this.

A Month ago I went to First First International Bank & Trust at Cash Wise to close my husbands and my account that got hacked. I was told my husband and I would have to do this together. But my husband was able to go there and do it himself, and open a new account. I had to jump through hoops to get my name back on the account and the bank teller at Cash Wise said, your husband said he doesn't want you on the account. That made me and my husband mad. I called the head bank and talked to Amy and told her what was going on and told her we are going to close our account. She assured me this kind of incident would not happen again and reconsider closing our account and go to the main bank instead. So I went to the main bank and told them what was said, they couldn't believe it. Anyway, I got my name back on the account. So, I went back to Cash Wise bank and told the bank teller off. A Few days later my husband went to that bank and the bank teller lady took him in her little office and told on me, plus lied. My husband and I are 50 yrs old. So, we know each other pretty well. So, he knew she was lying. So again I told her off and said that was uncalled for. These incidents have been going on for A month now, we usually avoid going to the Cash Wise bank. Except for yesterday, thinking the bank teller drama queen is over it by now. No, shes still at it. My husband was getting money from the bank and this same bank teller say to him did Molly from the bank call you. This is not the first time she asked him that and the answer has always been NO. So, she calls this Molly, thinking my husband is going to stand there and wait until Molly answers the phone. Needless to say my husband walked away and left.
My husband and I have never been treated so poorly at a bank before. All because of some drama queen bank teller at First International Bank & Trust at Cash Wise. Needless to say we are closing our account. When I was at the main bank they told me they have been getting complaints about the rudeness at the Cash Wise bank.

Wednesday, February 17, 2016

Spare the Rod and Spoil the Child

Because of my background I read the bible numerous times. I am not religious. I believe we need to treat everyone with respect, love, and kindness. But, as I say I am a work in progress and I always try my best to practice what I preach, always. Society believes that God has commanded parents to spank and they take “spare the rod and spoil the child” literally, but in doing so they misunderstand the concept of the rod. The Bible simply does not support spanking or abuse of any type and that includes verbal abuse. It supports holding children accountable. It supports “train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” (Proverbs 22:6) “Training” does not mean spanking, abuse, verbal abuse, hitting, or any other form of corporal punishment.
Many parents misunderstand the concept of the rod. The Hebrew word for “rod” (shebet) The word “shebet” is most frequently used when referring to shepherds who are tending their flocks. The Shepherds used the stick to fight off prey and to gently guide wandering sheep, not to beat them. Be inspired by the word that calls for grace, gentleness, forgiveness, and love in all that you do and stop using the Bible as an excuse to spank or abuse our children.

Sunday, February 14, 2016

Drama queens always the victim KGW

There are those people who love drama. Have you ever notice those who have so much drama in their lives. They have no intentions of fixing their drama filled lives. If you give one of these drama filled people any advice or you disagree with them. They will cut you out of their life just like that and find people that are willing to listen to their drama filled life. They will stab you in the back and try to assassinate your character with lies.They are always looking for sympathy and believe they are the victim. Drama filled people are masters manipulator and liars. If you want your life force sucked out of you. Drama filled people are your number choice. - Sandra Schell-Geiss

Friday, February 12, 2016

Cowards bullies mean spirit liars

The abusers and the enablers. Are trying to make me stop telling the truth about the abuse that's been going on for the last 3 years to my grand daughter. I don't care how many lawsuits that come against me. They will not take the truth or my money away. I don't bow down to bullies. One thing I have learn about bullies, they are really scared of the truth. Because they are liars and always trying to coverup that they are mean spirited, people and are cowards.

Thursday, February 11, 2016

Moving To BALI

Moving To BALI - For the last 3 months I have been doing a lot of soul searching. It has been a rough 50 years. I need break, I want and will for now on live my life exactly the way I want to live it. I've been wanting to go to Bali and live there for year or so. I was going to leave my husband behind, I didn't believe he would ever leave his job. I love my husband but, I never, ever wanted to spend the rest of my life in North Dakota. I was leaving the 19th of this month. Then 2 days ago my husband came home from work early and said, are you ready to go on adventure!. I told him YES, I am going to Bali. So, the last 2 days we been talking and planning our NEW adventure in Bali. Spend a year relaxing and having fun, me making jewelry and my husband Darin writing that book he has always wanted to write. - Sandra Schell Geiss Owner of SilverSchells

Sunday, February 7, 2016

Warp Speed Born Again Dunk Me In Water Christian Stuff

I am sharing part of a conversation that I had with my son. ( To show this warp born again, dunk me in water, christian stuff is.) He is the father of my grand daughter that is being abused by the step-grand mother and she abused my youngest son when he was young. The grand father possibly molested my grand daughter. The grand father also molested his niece and the cousin of the grand father molested my son.

Plus, today I was informed my dil Kaycee has hired a lawyer, she is poor so the money is coming from somewhere else. One of the reason is to stop me from using a pic of my grand daughter that my dil made for me with my grand daughter in my fight against child abuse 2 years ago. I have recently used that picture when talking about my grand daughter be abused. I have so far refused to stop using the picture. Plus, now I know and understand why they are trying to portray me into this horrible parent. But, that is ok, I have been down this road before with my ex.

I have a very hard time trying to talk to my kids when they have this kind of mind frame. I try to use the word God in the conversation just trying to speak their warp way of thinking, it fails every time.

My dil Kaycee came from a broken family herself. One day her mom was just gone. Her mom was in abusive relationship. My dil is very vicious, she got this from her mom. I have read many texts from her mom and they are very vicious. Which has made my dil very vicious, she has constant drama in her life. She always fighting with friends, family, relatives never ending and you have to walk on egg shells so you don't make her mad or she denies you of letting you see the grand kids.

My son's health is not doing good because of the constant drama. It was the same for me when I was with the ex and when I heard she did the born again thing. Me and another son of my thought this not gonna be good. That is because we see it from the perspective of how the ex handle the whole christian thing and now the ex will and his wife will have complete control over her and she will become one of them.

My ex Dean White believes himself to be born again, dunk me in water, christian and so does his wife Carolyn White. When I was with him he was very abusive and the only way for the most part I could get to back off was keep my head in the bible. I can tell you because of that, I know the bible inside and out. But, what they are doing has nothing to do with christianity.

2 of my sons did not have to endure this type of so-called christianity. One did for a little while until he was kicked out and sent to live with me. Because my son would not conform to their christianity. So, they sent him to live with the devil me. They tried to rebuke the devil out of him. He still talks about it to this day, with much pain in his face, when he is reliving that terrible memory.

Leaving my ex was such a painful ordeal. But, my children paid the ultimate prize and now he has them doing his bidding for him and they are not in the right frame of mind to understand. My kids know the ex's wife has been abusing my grand daughter they have witness with their own eyes. The dil told me somethings and also said it creeps her out how the grand father plays with my grand daughter butt. My dil called me one time very devastated and crying. Because the step grand parent son told my dil that my 6 year old grand daughter needs a dil doe. Everything I know and reported came from my kids mouths.

The grand father and the step parent need to be locked up and my kids need help. My kids are in their 20's they have such bright futures and so do my grand children. But, as long as the hound of hells are still controlling them. I don't know what their future holds and I don't like that. So, I have to continue to fight for my grand daughter and hopefully soon the step grand parent and the grand father are behind bars. Maybe this will give my children time to heal and move on with their lives in a healthy way.

Part 2 My abusive marriage to my now ex and now my granddaughter is being abused

All of this is just plain madness, everyone suffers from any type of abuse and then you use religion, it makes it 10 times worse. I am sharing my story because this might help someone else that may be going through this or has gone through this. I do know of others who have been through similar things and this is to just let you know you are not alone.

I never shared these things before because, it sounds crazy who would believe me. Then someone shared their story and finally I felt like I am not alone and I am not crazy. -Sandra Schell-Geiss

Friday, February 5, 2016

CPS trying to scare me Hounds of Hell mini mes Drug Dealer make Threats

Hi everyone, this is me Sandra Schell-Geiss owner of SilverSchells. I did this video for a very special group I am a part of here on facebook. Where I can just be me and not be judged. I talk a little about my up bringing, my grand daughter and how my life as changed. I am tired and had been up all night because I was feeling really inspired and very grateful for my life.

I wanted to share a little update from my last blog post. DDS (CPS) in South Dakota Lying and Not Helping My Grand Daughter from the Hounds Of Hell.

I received another letter from CPS of South Dakota. This time it was from Lynee A Valenti, Cabnet Secretaty. These people don't care about the truth. Each time they contact me, I give them more information. There letter contradicts it's self. Because they lied to me in the first place and now they are lying to the Governor Daugaard to cover their butts, oh I will just say it, asses. They want me to stop contacting the Governor, I won't say everything they said in the letter right now. But, I let them know if I want to contact the Govenor of South Dakota, as matter of fact I can contact any governor of any state, the President, media, congressmen FBI etc.. Also, another entity they mentioned does not respect CPS and I let them know that. I will not stop until my daughter is safe. But, now I am learning how corrupt CPS is, like I been saying lately it needs to be crushed and exposed for the corrupt system it really is. Me and many others are sick and tried of how CPS destroys children and it time for our voices be heard. There are 10,000's of children that have been hurt by these Hound Of Hell. Oh, I know the numbers are higher then that. But, I am playing nice for now. Plus, one of my kids  reveal through a text message to me: they have people from the state willing to help them. Just as I suspected. Because the head hound grandfather called me whiskey drunk and pretty much threatened me and that he know someone in the dept. CPS as he said and to give it up.

Now, I am dealing with vicious attacks from The father and DIL of my grand daughter. Here is what I said in another blog post. The Mother of my granddaughter should be fighting for her daughter. But, instead money is influencing her decisions since I cut them off financially. She is totally reliant on the abusers for financial support. She has put money over own daughters safety and continues to subject my granddaughter to the abuse by taking her over to the abusers home. The father has completely stuck is head in the sand. ( There is nothing wrong with money. But sacrificing you integrity for money is wrong. )

Now, they are even making things worse with all the vicious attacks towards me and wanting me to die, my dil being the worse. DIL went to her drug dealer friends and lied about me. Now, apparently if I don't keep my mouth shut, I guess they are going to come after me and shut my mouth. My dil is really crossing the line now.

Dean White the head hound of hell, look what you did to your children. Because you had to try and cover up that you molested your niece and I caught you. Dean White if you truly love your children you would stop this madness. Are you going to continue to sit back and watch your children destroy themselves to cover up what you have done and are you going to continue allowing hound wife keep destroying your grand daughter with abuse just like she abused your youngest son. He always wondered why you never did anything. Will I do know you will sit back and watch your children destroy themselves. Because you tried to cover up what you did to your niece by trying to destroy me and then trying to destroy me and my children's relationship with lies.And now you might be trying to cover up again. You and your wife are cowards and bullies and now you got your son and dil acting like coward bullies. You will be exposed. I just hope and pray it is before the children destroy themselves. You didn't destroy me, my life is better then it has every been so, you lost that battle. but, instead destroyed your children and now the grand children. The light is stronger then the darkness and the light will win, it always does and that goes for you to CPS.

WARNING: The Hounds Of Hell!  is another blog post I did. The Head Hounds Of Hell "They don't only groom the child, they groom the parents,"

Wednesday, February 3, 2016

Life is a gift and should not be wasted.

The day I walked away from my birth family 5+ years ago. I can feel my life has changed so much. It was so toxic I didn't even give them notice, I was gone just like that. I slowly was able to start breathing again.

 I grieved the lost, became very angry at times and then finally excepted it. I don't have any hate or angry towards my birth family. I wrote my birth mother a letter and told her I forgive her for everything. I have no more hate and angry against her, It is done and over. I forgave her for myself and for her. So, maybe she could forgive herself. 

This is when my life really began. It feels like I am being re-birthed and it is kinda uncomfortable at times and sometimes it just really sucks. Learning to put the old behaviors behind and learning new and healthy behaviors can be a struggle. Along the way you lose old friends and family. They don't understand and think you crazy.

Then you learn their opinions don't matter. It's my journey and mine alone. Through this journey I am learning to love myself. Put me on top of my to do list. Learning to set healthy boundaries with others or having to walk away. It hurts a lot to walk away from people you love. But you have to do it for you and for them.

I learned to accept myself right where I am at. I can look back at my life and as painful and dark as it was I am grateful for it all. Because I have a purpose and all those things have been my lessons and teaching tools.To fulfill my purpose here on earth. Life is a gift and should not be wasted.

I don't just believe I will fulfill my purpose, I know it. I don't.t have to worry or fret how I will fulfill my purpose. Because the answers come when you are at peace with yourself and stay true to yourself. Life is amazing journey and I embrace it with love, kindness and gratitude. -Sandra Schell Geiss Picture By Energy Artist Julia

Thursday, January 28, 2016

DDS (CPS) in South Dakota Lying and Not Helping My Grand Daughter from the Hounds Of Hell.

I had contacted Lori Frederick Supervisor from DDS ( CPS ) in Deadwood South Dakota. It was at the end of Nov 2015. About my grand daughter being abused by the step-grand mother and possible be molested by the grand father.
With in a week they sent me a letter saying they investigated and had no concerns. I called CPS and said you are lying because you never contacted any witness.

As I gave them more information I would receive another letter within days. Saying the same thing. So, I decided to contact the Governor Dennis Daugaard of South Dakota. Governor Dennis Daugaard made CPS turn the information over to someone that actually could help. ( But, still crossing fingers that they can actually help ). So from my understanding Lori Frederick Supervisor from DDS ( CPS ) was made to contact the witness. But, she only contacted 1 of them and the witness told them what they knew. But, then Lori Frederick Supervisor from DDS ( CPS ) told me that she asked the witness " Do you believe she is in present danger" witness said " I don't think so." You see the witness lives in a different state and the witness told what they witness while on vacation and would spend  a week staying with the abusers of my grand daughter.

Abusers don't abuse or molested just for a little while and then it is all over. Honestly how stupid thinking is that. “Attitudes and ignorance” about (any type of) abuse can be passed down through the generations. The step- grand mother was abused growing up and abused my youngest son for years and his own father never did anything.  The grand father and his sister where molested by their own brother and later on, I caught the grand father my ex molesting his niece.

My grand daughter and her brother. From what I was told by 2 of my children that my grand daughter and her brother spend more time with the abusers then they do with the parents.  The witness and his wife where going to call CPS themselves because of what they had witness. Also, my dil (witness) had graduated from college to become a grade school teacher. They are to taught to recognizes the signs of what they call mental health problems.

While I was visiting my kids of my grand daughter. They told me they had a meeting with the school because my grand daughter metal health issues. So, I thought I could voice my concerns with the school and they begged me to call CPS. Because they could not do nothing. They said it was because they are a third party.

Lori Frederick Supervisor from DDS ( CPS ) in Dead South Dakota.  Might have a college degree to become a social worker. But, knows nothing about child abuse and doesn't know how to investigated. I can't even get Lori Frederick Supervisor from DDS ( CPS ) in Dead South Dakota. to talk to me now, I know it is personal with her. Because, I called her out on her lying about how she lied about investigating.
I've tried to talk to someone else from  DDS ( CPS ) in Dead South Dakota. But, apparently it has to go Lori Frederick Supervisor through DDS ( CPS ) in Dead South Dakota and she quickly sends me a letter. Well they don't even bother with sending letters anymore.

So, I contacted Governor Dennis Daugaard of South Dakota with my concerns. Now, just waiting for response and if I don't receive a response soon, I will call him.

So, in the mean time I have talked to  Congressman Lloyd Doggett of Texas, Author of the Protect Our Kids Act and Congressman Dave Camp of Michigan, Author of the Protect Our Kids Act. I will not stop until my grand daughter is safe and away from the hounds of hell.

My dil and son could easily end this by removing my grand daughter from the hounds of hell. Like I said in an early blog post. The Mother of my granddaughter should be fighting for her daughter. But, instead money is influencing her decisions since I cut them off financially. She is totally reliant on the abusers for financial support. She has put money over own daughters safety and continues to subject my granddaughter to the abuse by taking her over to the abusers home. The father has completely stuck is head in the sand and also in another blog post I explain what the hounds of hell are how they groom the children and parents. 

And another thing that concerns me is the Head Hound of Hell - the grand father has called me when he is whiskey drunk and making threats and telling me to give it up because he knows someone in the dept. of DDS (CPS ) in Dead South Dakota.

Here is more information of the Protect Our Kids Act:

 “We are aware that there are so many, many children across the country who lose their lives or are permanently scarred by abuse from a caretaker. We know that there are many reasons why this happens — our goal must be to improve our understanding of these causes and what we can do to prevent this kind of maltreatment of children. The Protect Our Kids Act will help provide thoughtful consideration of the steps we can take to better protect vulnerable children. Working together in a bipartisan way, we can make meaningful progress on this troubling issue.”
-Congressman Lloyd Doggett of Texas, Author of the Protect Our Kids Act 
“Far too many children die each year as a result of abuse and neglect. As an attorney who formerly handled child welfare issues, I’ve worked throughout my time in Congress to reduce tragedies like this. Despite much progress, there is still more we can do to help children in need. That’s why I’m proud to have worked with Representative Doggett and others to pass the bipartisan Protect our Kids Act, which has brought together experts to develop a comprehensive national strategy to reduce these tragedies. I hope that by working together we can take important steps forward to prevent the tragic deaths of too many of our nation’s children.”
-Congressman Dave Camp of Michigan, Author of the Protect Our Kids Act

You can also read my last blog Feb. 5th here:

CPS trying to scare me Hounds of Hell mini mes Drug Dealer make Threats

Monday, January 25, 2016

My Dear Children Save Your Daughter From The Hounds Of Hell

Dear Children, I have only spoken the truth. The things that are happening to your daughter are from what all you kids have told me. This all started when I took my son to the Mayo Clinic, Remember? That is when my precious grand daughter told me what step grand mother did to her.

I didn't know what to do with that information at first so, I kept it to myself. Then I decided to tell another one of my sons what my grand daughter had said to me. This is when the other son and dil told me what they had witness. That is when you my dear son told me somethings and your wife is very outspoken about many things. So, I learn a lot from her. I am trying to not go into much detail here.

The head hound of hell has been grooming you guys since you where young, against me. To keep you in the dark about what I know about him molested his niece. He has been deceiving you kids and his wife and has caused so much confusion in everyone and I can see it in your eyes.

I have tried to tell you guys the truth so many times. But, I could see you where not going to believe me. Because you all either dance around the truth, acted like you don't remember or blame it on someone else. I very well see that the mother of my grand daughter is taking a lot of heat. That just keeps the focus off the head hound of hell. This family doesn't know how to deal with things. Because you where groom to blame someone else for everything and no one takes responsibility for there own actions, definitely learned behavior.

What the Hound of hell wife has done is the same. You know the abuse that the younger brother went through by the hound wife. Plus, blaming him for her drinking etc... Now, that the young son is not in her grip the focus is on my grand daughter. You see, the hound of hell wife has never had any right to talk about me the way she did, she doesn't know me. All she knows is what the head hound of hell told her and that is it. And so that is how she got her perception of who I am.

Mother of grand daughter you told me some disturbing things about the head hound of hell. At first I did not want to believe it and it made me remember his niece and the things he did to her where the same thing he did to his niece. That was a very dark painful memory to have to remember and to think he was doing this to my grand daughter is still unbearable and I don't want it to be the truth.

But, the head hound of hell and wife have groomed you so well that I just didn't stand a chance, where I could be honest with you guys and that became obvious with trying to get the second brother to see the truth.

So I had to go it alone. I can't and won't let the head hound and his wife destroy my family. You might think I am the one destroying the family by speaking out and now none of you are talking to me. No, this is what I expected. When we don't want to hear the truth, the one telling the truth usually gets ostracized for it.

But, at one point I was so confused because of all the things you guys where telling me and then you started deny it and acting like you never said those things and dance around the truth to not except the truth. I was starting to wonder if they are lying to me about this and this is causing me so much heartache. I said, I don't think I can forgive them for putting me through this and I don't think I can every be able to believe a word they are saying every again and I just don't want to be around them anymore. But, I get it now.

We all have rolls in the family and my was to keep my mouth shut. You guys are not in a good place and you are all living in a fog of confusion and denial. So, I am standing in the gap and going/am do the right thing for you guys and break the cycle of this madness. So, one day you can have that joy, peace and happiness you all deserve. You all deserve better and are worthy and you are blessed even tho you might not see it right now.

The head hound of hell and his wife, the day of reckoning has come up them and they will not get away with destroying my family anymore. There is nothing anyone can do to change it. If you want to call it karma, then we can call it karma. It was going to happen sooner or later and it is finally happening. I have been praying for this for a long time. You know how hard is to see your kids suffer because of lies, it been so awful and at times hard to bear.

Like I said in one of my blog posts : The Head Hounds Of Hell "They don't only groom the child, they groom the parents," Research on the "bystander effect," the surprising fact that many people will stand by while terrible things happen, suggests that when something horrible occurs, people often go into a kind of denial, thinking that if it were really this bad, somebody else would be stopping it,
(Involving other friends makes the bystander effect worse, in fact, by diffusing the sense of responsibility to do something.)

To my dil, your so called friend is not a real friend, I see right through her. Like I told her
Hound Hag - You are fighting a cause you know nothing about to inflate your own ego and to get your 2 seconds of fame. All she doing is making thing worse for you guys, that is all. She is feeding of your pain and this gives her great joy. Plus, when your friend said, I know more about what is going on then you do, to me. I got the message loud and clear and I am prepared for it and I am ready.

One more thing, when you are children and when you start to grow-up and you can look back and say if only if I had know what I know now I would of done things differently. Well, I am 50 years old and you all are in your 20's so I have more experience in life then you. So, I get it.

Love you all very much and there is nothing that will make me hate you guys every. You have all done the best you could with the cards you been dealt with.

Love, Mom

Sunday, January 24, 2016

1 Krazie MAMA and Living Authentic Life

Hi Everyone, I wanted to share a sneak peek of what has been going on behind the scenes with SilverSchells. I have 4 NEW FB pages I am still working on and I all be incorporating them all on my NEW website. My FB page SilverSchells will have a little bit of all FB pages.

 - You can take a look at them here:

1) Princess Rose Divine - is devoted to my grand daughter.…/
2) Living Authentic Life - I am starting a support group here in Williston ND for Domestic and Child Abuse Survivors and help them realize they are Warriors, not victims or just survivors.
3) SilverSchells Jewelry Designs - Here I will have jewelry designs and only jewelry designs.Jewelry That Rocks! Elements of Nature!…/

4) 1 Krazie MAMA - Rated R - I have been called crazy all my life and now I decided to embrace it. I was recently told I was not very christian like from a hypocrite. So I said I can say F**K this S**T and I love Jesus in the same sentence and he still loves me. I don't believe in religion and I believe everyone has the right to believe in whatever that might be Buddhism, Muslim, the universe, hamburgers etc... 

-Sandra Schell Geiss

Wednesday, January 20, 2016

WARNING: The Hounds Of Hell!

WARNING The Hounds Of Hell: Since I started speaking out on child abuse. The abuse I endured and the abuse my grand daughter now going through. These hounds of hell are starting to show up on this page and I am sorry for that everyone. I am banning them all. I WILL NOT STOP SPEAKING OUT!!

Many times when you expose abusers all the hounds gather to protect the head hounds. I use to get upset in the being. Not anymore, since I understand the why. Here is a post I posted earlier that explains it very well, here it is: A victim’s silence isn’t good for anyone. Those types of secrets are destructive to everyone who keeps them. TRUTH doesn’t destroy families and it doesn’t even destroy the abuser.

 For incest to occur in a family, it takes more than just an abuser and a victim. It’s part of an entire dysfunctional system. Exposing abuse gives the entire family an opportunity to heal and to learn Unfortunately, when most families are confronted with the truth they don’t choose to heal. Instead, they blame the victim so they can continue in their dysfunctional ways. People don’t want to face their own internal demons so they demonize whoever triggers them. Christina Enevoldsen 

The Head Hounds Of Hell "They don't only groom the child, they groom the parents," Research on the "bystander effect," the surprising fact that many people will stand by while terrible things happen, suggests that when something horrible occurs, people often go into a kind of denial, thinking that if it were really this bad, somebody else would be stopping it,
(Involving other friends makes the bystander effect worse, in fact, by diffusing the sense of responsibility to do something.)

"It's that crisis, split-second sort of quality," "Here this thing happens that's almost impossible to believe,and you're paralyzed for a while as to what to do. … In these kinds of crisis situations, delay is tantamount to not helping.

Your opportunity is right there, to help, to stop it, and then you delay, you walk out and it's all kind of over." The Hounds Of Hell can keep attacking. But, I will not stop fighting for my grand daughter. I would never forgive myself if I did. All Hounds Of Hell Post Your Comments Below:

Monday, January 18, 2016

Part 2 My abusive marriage to my now ex and now my granddaughter is being abused

This is what I wrote to my children. I knew there would be a day I would tell my children the truth. But, they where to young at the time to understand. Now they are all grown and on there own. I could see how their childhood was affecting them just like my childhood affected me. It took me almost a lifetime to realize how it affected me. But, once I accepted the truth it set me free and that is what I want for my children. Writing this to them was very hard, I didn't want to and it was hard for me reliving this time of my life.

I want to tell you guys the truth of what really happened between me and Dean. I knew there would be a day I would, but I needed to heal first from the past, and it has taken me a long time. However, I don't want to leave this earth letting you guys think I was a monster. Straight up, your dad lied to you guys and continues to do so.

I grew up with two parents who bashed each other all of the time. I understand now how that impacted my life, and how it has, and is affecting, your guys life.

I know I have told you some of this stuff before, but please continue to read.

The main reason I married your dad is because I wanted my son David with me. When I moved away from my parents home, my mom wouldn't let me take David. So I came up with the bright ideal to marry your dad. Your dad used to ask me to marry him many times, and yes, we where both drunk on these occasions. But one night, I said yes. He didn't know the reason why I wanted to marry him. I don't know if he ever realized that or not. But, I did realize what I was doing was wrong the day I married Dean.

Once I agreed to marry him, everything changed. He became mentally, emotionally, and physically abusive. Now, this is just what I think, I don't know for sure. I learned over the years that my mom and Dean talked to each other on a regular basis. My mom has always told lies about me and made me out to be a monster to anyone that would listen. Dean did this as well. Did my mom influence him to be that way to me or would he have been that way to me no matter what? I will probably never know. ( Edited: It did influence him, just like how Dean influence shaped how you guys treated me. )

I believe your dad knew I really didn't actually love him. I know he was jealous of my relationship with David. We fought about it all of the time. He treated him very poorly, and the more I defended David, the worst things became. I left him on several occasions, as I couldn't allow him to do what he was doing to David. I would go to my mom for help, which didn't work, so I would go back to Dean.

I thought that by us having children together, it would make things better. I really loved being a mom; you guys where my life. But, your dad told me repeatedly that if I left him, I would never see my kids again.

Then the day came when my mom and Dean didn't like each other anymore. My mom had told him that he needed to take some responsibility for the part he played in the marriage.

For these two people, if they didn’t like someone, you better not like them either. Both of them constantly badgered me to see how rotten the other was, and they wouldn’t stop for anything. This continued on for  years. They practically said the same thing to me. He/she doesn't care about you, can't you see this. I never sided with either one of them because I knew they would be more then happy to tell the other one that I didn't care about them, and I didn't want to deal with that as well.

I did blame all of it on myself. If I could just be the perfect wife and daughter, this ugliness would stop. I read everything that I could, trying to learn how to be a good person. I know now that the way they were had everything to do with them, and not with me.

The thing with Dean, every time he was mean to me or David, he would be on the phone with someone, letting them know what a monster I was. My mom always did this to me.They took the truth and twisted it. They would right down lie. I would always have  people come up to me  say the strangest things to to me. That was how I seen it at the time, and then one day it just hit me. I was with Dean at the time and I said to him, it's was you. He just kind of laughed.

While we lived in Minot, I had sunk in to a deep depression because of all the madness that went on, and when Dean molested Britney. It took me into a very dark place. I had suppressed  those memories of what happened to me as a young girl. I couldn't go to the church for help, because Dean had already been there, letting them know what a monster I was. I couldn't go to my mom, because she was always telling me that I needed to leave Dean. ( Edited: Even tho the day I was going to marry Dean I told my mom I couldn't marry him. She told me I had to because of all the money it cost her.) I wanted a solution to make the marriage work and to be happy.

But I realized our marriage was never going to get better. I knew Dean was always going to treat me and David poorly. Dean had told too many lies and never owned up to what he had done. I told him many times that you can't fix lies.

My depression eventually became so bad that I wanted to commit suicide. I just couldn't live like that anymore. I felt there was no where to turn, I just wanted the pain to end. The really sad part was that I wanted to take you guys with me. I didn't want you guys with Dean and I was terrified you would end up with my family. I thought about it for days on how I would do it. Then finally I called my mom and just broke down. My mom told Gary what was happening, and in turn, Gary called me. He told me that they where coming down and moving us to Mandan. He said don't worry about it, we have it all figured out. So they came down with a Uhaul and off to Mandan we went.

But, things never got any better. Now I had to deal with my mom. She made sure to let me know how pathetic I was all of the time. Then Dean was calling all of the time to let me know that I was going to hell for leaving him. There a was point in time I stopped allowing Dean to come and stay with us, because he tried to burn David with hot water.

I was receiving food stamps and housing. Then one day a social worker came to see me and told me that I needed to file papers to collect child support. If I didn’t, I would lose the food stamps and housing. This made Dean very angry. I didn't know then, but I figure it out. Dean told me that if I would move back to Minot, his mom would help get us a home. He told me not to worry, as he would not live there with us. He just wanted to live near his kids.

Eventually, I finally decided to do it. After getting to Minot, he said we would just have to stay with him for just a bit, until all the arrangements were taken care of. The day we moved in with Dean, I knew it was all a lie. He told me if I wanted a place to live, I had better start looking. However, he hounded me continuously about calling Ward County to stop the child support. He would remind me about how much trouble I would get in if I didn't since the kids were living with him.

The abuse of David and me had became even worse now. I couldn't go to my family for help because they where hurt and angry with me for going back. At one point, Dean went to jail for domestic abuse, since the neighbors called the police. I know you guys remember some of it. Dean was running around the apartment naked, and then punched a hole in the wall.

Dean had a real perverted side to him. I am sorry, but it was very disgusting, and that behavior was getting worse. If I needed the car, he would put the keys down his pants. The only way I could get the keys was to go down his pants and take them. I never did, and others had witnessed him doing this to me. He tried to force sex on me. One time I was trying to fight him off. He became so angry that he tried to break my arms.

I told him over and over the marriage was over, that you can’t fix lies. Even at that point, if he would have been truthful, we still would never have stayed together after all the things he had done. At this point, when he would tell me if I left I would never see my kids again, I just started responding that I didn't care, he could keep the kids. I didn’t mean it, but I had become fed up with him using you kids as a tool against me.

So with all of this stuff going on, why did we move into the church house together?
By that point, I had become so beaten down that I was going to do what ever he wanted, just so he would just leave me alone. But, that didn't last long, because of the way he tried to treat David. Finally, I made the decision that when the school year ended for David, we where going to leave. The plan was to take you and the kids back to Mandan, with the support of my dad. But that never happen.

One night Dean, was ready to attack David. The only reason he was going to abuse David was because he was mad at me, and had wanted to take that out on David in order to hurt me. So, I attacked Dean instead. He was so surprised that he just stopped, and left the room. He called the pastor and lied through his teeth, right in front of me. He had took the whole situation and twisted it with his lies. The pastor told him that he needed to kick me out now, and not to allow me to take the kids. He was the telling the pastor that I was abusing the kids, and that he didn't know what to do. So that night, David and I packed up and left.

While David and I were driving to Mandan, he asked me what is going to happen to us. I reassured him that we would stay with grandpa and grandma, that I would find a job, where I could make enough money to get a place, and that I would get his brothers back. After we got to Mandan though, my mom came out and let me know that David could stay, but that I had to go. I said I didn't have any money; I had no where to go. She said that's to bad, it wasn’t her problem.

Back when we where all still living together in that lil apartment, I had met a little Mexican guy. He was my back up if Dean would kick me out. I knew that Dean would do so sooner or later. He would have to because of the way he trashed me and lied. Eventually people were going to tell him to leave me; why would he want to be with somebody like the person he made me out to be. It would have been pretty stupid to be with someone like that.

The Mexican guy didn’t work out though. He was moving to California. He asked me to go with, but, that was not what I wanted. That is when I met John, and he became my back up plan in case I needed it. I know I am a idiot for doing that, but at that time, I was just in survival mode. ( Edited: I never thought of just relying on myself. I had no self-esteem and my worth came from others, not myself )

I drove back to Minot and found John, in order to give him my sob story. That night I moved in with him. It was just another really bad choice. But he knew someone that could help me get a job. I still had the plan to get a job, to make enough money to get a place of my own, and to get you kids back.

Now, I am only sharing some of the stuff that happened during this time period, as it is to deep and dark that I can't go back and deal with it, nor do I want to. It was a very tough time for me. ( Edited: I will be sharing this in my book, I don't live in that darkness anymore.)

I was living with John, but the only way Dean was even allowing me to see you kids was if I had to have sex with him. My visits with you kids became less and less. I remember times when I was there at the house, and Derek you would cry because Dean told you it was time for bed, but you guys  just wanted to be with me. It would just break my heart. I never came over to you and tried to comfort you, as I knew that after Dean would finally get you guys to bed, it was time for me to pay up.

The night you remember Derek, when you seen Dean beating on me, was the night that I couldn't deal with it anymore. I started crying, and told him I couldn't do this any more. Secretly though, I had a tape recorder and I was recording everything he had said to me so that I would have proof. I just wanted it to stop. It was degrading and humiliating to be treated like a whore.

He realized what I was doing and he beat the crap out me. He couldn't handle even thinking that he was going to get caught. There was a look of terror on his face. After he got the tape recorded away from me, I told him I didn’t care, that I was telling the truth anyway. He said no one would believe me because I was nothing but a whore. I never did tell anyone because I believed no one would believe me.

Eventually, I just quit coming around, until Dean called me to tell me the kids wanted to see me. He said you guys were asking about me everyday and crying. But, I still kept saying no. Then he promised nothing would happen. He just wanted me to see the kids. Deep down, I knew he was lying. But, I wanted to see you kids so badly. So, he came and got me. I had only been at the house for maybe 30 minutes, and I had to go to the bathroom. While I was in the bathroom, he came in and locked the door. I instantly started crying because I knew what he was going to do. He raped me. I fought, and soon you guys started to knock on the door. I was trying to holler, but he covered my mouth.

I felt really bad for you guys. You had thought that I was going to spend the day with you. But after that happened, I just had to leave. He raped me, and then he told you kids, “see your mommy doesn’t care about you.” But then he stopped talking because he could see the terror and disbelief I had in my eyes, and he just wanted me out of there.

After that, I went down a very dark road. I drank like there was no tomorrow. Until one night someone seen me at the bar. She said, “Oh my God Sandy, what happened to you?” She said that she didn’t even know the person I had become. Looking me in the eyes, she said there was nothing there.

She did finally coax it out of me, and I told her what happen. She told my family. Then she took me to the police station and I pressed charges against Dean. That is when I went to the abuse shelter, where you joined me. I didn't know they would take you away from your dad.

The abuse shelter had there own lawyer, and he was supposed to help with the case. But he said that he had no expertise in my situation. He advised that I got a criminal  lawyer. Instead, I ended up in court, with no lawyer. Needless to say, I lost and was giving community service for being raped. You kids went back to Dean.

After that I left Minot and went to Mandan. I was so broken I just didn't no what to do.

I do want to point out though that while Dean was raping, beating, and making me perform sexual favors, he was also seeing Caroline. I know this because after I would have to perform for him, he would be on the phone with Caroline, all cheerful because he just got his rocks off. At first I was happy he had found someone, because I thought it meant he would leave me alone. But he didn't.

Even after he was seeing Carolyn, and while I was in Mandan, he continued trying to get me to come back to him. It was so messed up. That's when I told him that I had met someone and we were getting married in September. I had lied, but surely he would leave me alone now. Well, he did. He married Carolyn in August.

When you guys moved to Surrey, I didn't know where you guys had gone. I had to make many calls, and nobody would tell me. I finally begged one of the babysitters you had and pleaded with her, saying that those are my kids. She finally told me. Dean never made it easy for me to see you guys.

Twice, I took him to court because of this. I remember the last, and final time, we went to court. I remember when I came up to get you kids, and Dylan got really sick. He wanted to throw up after getting in the car with me. Dylan was very upset with me that Dean had to pay me $1200.00. Dean had to pay half of my lawyer fees because he was in contempt of court for not allowing me to see you kids. It cost me 3,000.00. Many times when I made plans to see you kids, Dean would do something to stop it. Then I would tell you guys some stupid lie as to why I would not becoming down.  But it had nothing to do with me. It was dean.

I never stopped fighting for you guys. Not having you kids destroyed me. But I never once gave up. You kids are my life.

The sad thing about Dean is that he knew that you kids meant everything to me. Dean has control issues, and I wasn't complying with what he wanted. So he used his children to try to make me comply. But because of everything that happened, he also didn't want you guys to have a relationship with me, as everything I am telling you now is what he never wanted you guys to know. What better way to make sure you guys would never believe then to assassinate my character.

Through the years, I have told him that he needed to tell the truth, that couldn’t he see what he was doing to his kids. I still see how it has effected you guys. I do know one thing for sure, every time I tell him to tell the truth, or he thinks he might get caught in all his lies, he is going to tear me down.

One more thing, then I am done. While Dustin lived with me, Dean and Carolyn bashed Derek and Dylan. You guys where apparently the problem for everything. I knew Dean never took responsibility for his actions, and apparently Carolyn doesn't either. This has hurt your guys’ relationship, just the way it hurt my relationship with my sister, because of what my mom had also done.

Recently, I had to watch Dean throw his own son under the bus. Dean has no shame for what he has done. All he is concerned about is making sure his name stays flawless, above everything else, and if he has to, he will use his kids to take the fall. He ruined our family, not me. He was never the victim, he was and still is the abuser and a coward. Sorry, but that is the Dean I know and came to hate.

I know you might not know what to think, or you might end up even hating me. I just don't know. But I am telling the truth and you guys deserve the truth so that someday you can make peace with the past. Like I have always said, you can't fix lies. Maybe somethings might just start making sense to you, or possibly you are really confused. I just don't.

I know you might not know what to think, or you might end up even hating me. I just don't know. But I am telling the truth and you guys deserve the truth so that someday you can make peace with the past. Like I have always said, you can't fix lies. Maybe somethings might just start making sense to you, or possibly you are really confused. I just don't.

The out come of telling my children the truth. 3 of them in denial and 1 not talking to me. But, months after telling them the truth. The realization came of finding out my granddaughter is be abused by the step grandmother and possible being molested by by the grandfather.

I am working and doing everything to get her out of that situation. Right now my family has completing fallen apart and my kids want nothing to do with me. CPS in South Dakota has been no help at all and I am learning so much how are system is flawed and our children continue to be endanger.

Things have to change and while trying everything to get my granddaughter out of this abusive situation I am learning how some things can and need to change. My mission is to fight for my grand daughter and our children all over the world and the more I learn I will be well equipped to do so.

The Mother of my granddaughter should be fighting for her daughter. But, instead money is influencing her decisions since I cut them off financially. She is totally reliant on the abusers for financial support. She has put money over own daughters safety and continues to subject my granddaughter to the abuse by taking her over to the abusers home. The father has completely stuck is head in the sand. ( There is nothing wrong with money. But sacrificing you integrity for money is wrong. )

It is very sad and if they don't step up to the plate and do what is right they will eventually lose there daughter. And I am talking about when she grows up and realizes the truth and her parents didn't protect her. She will want nothing to do with them, just like I don't want nothing to do with my mother for not protecting me.

Part 1 The abuse endured in my childhood

Tuesday, January 5, 2016

My art is apart of who I am

I want to share how I almost let someone interfere with my dream. I would share this picture on my personal FB page when my mother-in-law would come to town to visit. I would say this every time. "Oh oh! Mother-in-law is coming to town." My mother-in-law never liked me much. So, when I started my jewelry business she seemed supportive at first. But, that changed real fast. When my husband would talk to her on the phone he would brag about how I was making jewelry for this actress or that actress and it gave me some really great opportunities to get my jewelry out there! But, I had this feeling he probably shouldn't because she likes to be the center of attention. But, I know now my husband can brag about his wife all he wants! Then one weekend she came to visit. It was almost liked she had it rehearsed. Instantly she said sternly, go get your jewelry so I can see it. So, I grab one of my containers so she could look at it. She had this ugly face and it was like she was snarly and saying I don't see anything I like and on and on. It broke my spirit, my jewelry, my art was the only thing that I ever had any confidence in. I started to become very depressed and making jewelry would cause me a lot of stress. Always wondering are they going to like it, what if they don't etc...I slowly started make less and sometimes I just wouldn't post it. Then finally it was making me sick to even make anything. I was still trying to press through. But, it just wasn't the same. But, that has all changed. I am working on get everything organized, new website, working on a new technique that I always wanted to etc.. I want to create Master Pieces and I WILL!! I learned a lot from that experience and I am now grateful for the lesson. I don't hate her anymore. But, I will never want to be around her again. And my husband let my mother-in-law know that she is not welcome in our home anymore! I will never allow anyone to every interfere in my dream ever again. My art is apart of who I am!