may not approve of you. Don't worry about it. God approves of you.
People don't determine your destiny. People can't stop God's plan for
your life. God called you. God equipped you. God anointed you. - Joel Osteen Ministries
My birth mother who should have empowered
my life with dreams of success but instead tried all she could to
destroy what was good, then she recruited her other daughter to do her dirting work for her, then she pretends she don't know what is going on, poor mommy dearest always the victim But, guess what I am still here. You no longer have any power over me, you no longer will
haunt my days and nights, you will no longer be able to hurt me anymore
than you have already done. I am not protecting you, I am instead
exposing you for who you are. Sharing my truth and the journey to take
back control of my life. You have condemned me, condemned my children,
abandoned us and shunned us.
she does is deniable. There is always a facile excuse or an
explanation. Cruelties are couched in loving terms. Aggressive and
hostile acts are paraded as thoughtfulness. Selfish manipulations are
presented as gifts. Criticism and slander is slyly disguised as concern.
She only wants what is best for you. She only wants to help you.
favoritizes. Narcissistic mothers commonly choose one (sometimes more)
child to be the golden child and one (sometimes more) to be the
scapegoat. The narcissist identifies with the golden child and provides
privileges to him or her as long as the golden child does just as
she wants. The golden child has to be cared for assiduously by everyone
in the family. The scapegoat has no needs and instead gets to do the
caring. The golden child can do nothing wrong. The scapegoat is always
at fault. This creates divisions between the children, one of whom has a
large investment in the mother being wise and wonderful, and the
other(s) who hate her. That division will be fostered by the narcissist
with lies and with blatantly unfair and favoritizing behavior. The
golden child will defend the mother and indirectly perpetuate the abuse
by finding reasons to blame the scapegoat for the mother’s actions. The
golden child may also directly take on the narcissistic mother’s tasks
by physically abusing the scapegoat so the narcissistic mother doesn’t
have to do that herself.
3.She undermines. Your accomplishments are acknowledged only to the extent that she can take credit for them.
4. She’s a liar in too many ways to count. Any time she talks about
something that has emotional significance for her, it’s a fair bet that
she’s lying. Lying is one way that she creates conflict in the
relationships and lives of those around her - she’ll lie to them about
what other people have said, what they’ve done, or how they feel. She’ll
lie about her relationship with them, about your behavior or about your
situation in order to inflate herself and to undermine your
projects. This sounds a little like psycho-babble, but it is something
that narcissists all do. Projection means that she will put her own bad
behavior, character and traits on you so she can deny them in herself
and punish you.
6.She blames. She’ll blame
you for everything that isn’t right in her life or for what other
people do or for whatever has happened. Always, she’ll blame you for her
abuse. You made her do it. If only you weren’t so difficult. You upset
her so much that she can’t think straight. Things were hard for her and
your backtalk pushed her over the brink.
7. She destroys your
relationships. Narcissistic mothers are like tornadoes: wherever they
touch down families are torn apart and wounds are inflicted. Unless the
father has control over the narcissist and holds the family together,
adult siblings in families with narcissistic mothers characteristically
have painful relationships. Typically all communication between siblings
is superficial and driven by duty, or they may never talk to each other
at all. In part, these women foster dissension between their children
because they enjoy the control it gives them. If those children don’t
communicate except through the mother, she can decide what everyone
hears. Narcissists also love the excitement and drama they create by
interfering in their children’s lives. Watching people’s lives explode
is better than soap operas, especially when you don’t have any empathy
for their misery.
end result is a family in which almost all communication is triangular.
The narcissist, the spider in the middle of the family web, sensitively
monitors all the children for information she can use to retain her
unchallenged control over the family. She then passes that on to the
others, creating the resentments that prevent them from communicating
directly and freely with each other. The result is that the only
communication between the children is through the narcissist, exactly
the way she wants it.
As a last resort she goes pathetic. When she’s confronted with
unavoidable consequences for her own bad behavior, including your anger,
she will melt into a soggy puddle of weepy helplessness. It’s all her
fault. She can’t do anything right. She feels so bad. What she doesn’t
do: own the responsibility for her bad conduct and make it right.
Instead, as always, it’s all about her, and her helpless self-pitying
weepiness dumps the responsibility for her consequences AND for her
unhappiness about it on you. As so often with narcissists, it is also a
manipulative behavior. If you fail to excuse her bad behavior and make
her feel better, YOU are the bad person for being cold, heartless and
unfeeling when your poor mother feels so awful. hapyschild