People have their own reasons for insisting that it is ‘you.’ Most often, the biggest reason is about them not wanting to see the truth in their own lives with their own dysfunctional relationships. It is easier to keep the victim down than it is to look at the truth, especially if that truth affects them too. Being raised to believe ‘the problem is you’ is a very difficult belief system to undo and replace. Victims of dysfunctional relationship very
often become addicted to proof: if they can’t prove they are ‘right’ about their own grievances, then they must not be right. But even the belief that we have to ‘prove it’ comes from dysfunction in the belief system and has its roots somewhere.
As for abusers, they will never look at the possibility that it might be them. Abusive and controlling people never question themselves. They are very sure that it isn’t them. Emerging From Broken